Three questions to consider before entering the conversation.
Building bridges begins with humility.
Few conversations generate as much emotion as abortion. For some, it is deeply personal. For others, it is primarily philosophical, political, or ethical. Regardless of where we stand, these conversations often become polarized, leaving people feeling unheard rather than understood.
Over the years, as a family physician and later through my work with Pregnancy Care Canada, I met people whose experiences continually reminded me that abortion is rarely just an issue to debate. It is often connected to fear, grief, relief, pressure, love, uncertainty, or loss.
Those encounters taught me the importance of looking beyond the issue to the person and recognizing that we each bring our own experiences, beliefs, and assumptions into the conversation.
Before discussing abortion with someone else, I believe there are three questions worth asking ourselves.
1. How Has Abortion Touched Your Own Life?
Whether through your own experience or that of a friend, mother, sister, wife, daughter, colleague, or someone else close to you, abortion has touched many lives. Approximately 100,000 abortions are reported in Canada each year.[1]
Each of us comes to this conversation with experiences that have shaped us. For some, abortion is associated with relief. For others, it is accompanied by sadness, regret, or grief. Some experience a mixture of emotions, while others may never have spoken about their experience at all.
Because every story is different, we should be careful not to assume we know how abortion has affected another person. Listening with humility creates space for people to share their experiences, if they choose, without feeling judged or misunderstood.
2. What Do You Believe About Abortion and Human Life?
Conversations about abortion often centre on questions of rights, justice, and legal protection. Yet beneath these discussions are deeper questions about the value of human life and our responsibilities toward one another.
When does human life begin? What responsibilities do we have toward both a pregnant woman and her developing child? How can we protect the vulnerable while extending compassion to those facing difficult circumstances?
How we answer these questions is shaped by our underlying beliefs and assumptions. I believe that every human life has inherent value from its very beginning. Others may approach these same questions through a different ethical framework and arrive at different conclusions.
It is worth remembering that most people are not deliberately choosing what they believe to be wrong. Rather, they are seeking what they sincerely believe is right, even when their conclusions differ from our own. Recognizing this can change the way we approach the conversation.
We do not need to compromise our convictions to acknowledge the sincerity of another person’s beliefs. Respectful dialogue begins with a willingness to understand not only what someone believes, but why they believe it.
3. What Has Shaped the Way You See This Issue?
Each of us views the world through a particular lens, shaped by our faith, family, education, culture, and personal experiences. These influences shape not only what we believe, but also how we understand and respond to difficult questions.
My own Christian faith is central to how I understand the inherent value of every human life. It also reminds me that every person is made in the image of God and deserves to be treated with dignity, kindness, and compassion, regardless of their beliefs or circumstances.
In a diverse society, we will inevitably encounter people whose perspectives differ from our own. Recognizing the influences that have shaped our own beliefs can help us approach those differences with greater humility and openness.
Rather than allowing our differences to become barriers, perhaps we can begin by asking ourselves another important question:
Can we welcome people with kindness, even when we disagree with them?
Respect does not require agreement. It begins with recognizing the humanity and inherent dignity of the person in front of us.
Building Bridges Instead of Winning Arguments
These three questions are worth considering before entering a difficult conversation. When we fail to recognize how our own experiences, convictions, and assumptions shape our perspectives, it becomes easy to respond defensively rather than with curiosity and openness.
I’ve found that one simple question can change the tone of a conversation:
Is my goal to win an argument, or to build a bridge?
Choosing to build bridges does not mean avoiding difficult truths or compromising deeply held convictions. Rather, it means approaching conversations with humility, listening with respect, and remembering that every person we encounter has a story we may not yet understand.
When our goal shifts from winning an argument to understanding another person, we make room for meaningful dialogue. We can remain firm in our convictions while extending kindness and grace to those who see things differently.
As followers of Christ, we are called to speak the truth in love. My hope is that both our convictions and the way we express them will reflect the character of the One we follow.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)
[1] Canadian Institute for Health Information. Induced Abortions in Canada. 2024.
Related Reflections:
Leading With Compassion in a Divided World
Why conviction and compassion belong together when discussing difficult issues.
Unexpected Pregnancy Questions: 9 Questions That Can Bring Clarity
Thoughtful questions can uncover the pressures and circumstances surrounding an unexpected pregnancy and create space for someone to feel heard.
Beyond the Exam Room
Medicine taught me that caring well for people often means looking beyond the immediate medical need. I reflect on the experiences that reshaped my understanding of compassion and human dignity.
