Three questions to consider before entering the conversation.
Few conversations generate as much emotion as abortion. For some, it is deeply personal. For others, it is primarily philosophical, political, or ethical. Regardless of where we stand, these conversations often become polarized, leaving people feeling unheard rather than understood.
Over the years, as a family physician and later through my work with Pregnancy Care Canada, I met people whose experiences continually reminded me that abortion is rarely just an issue to debate. It is often connected to fear, grief, relief, pressure, love, uncertainty, or loss. Those encounters reminded me that before discussing abortion with someone else, it is worth first considering what we ourselves bring to the conversation.
1. How Has Abortion Touched Your Own Life?
Whether through your own experience or that of a friend, mother, sister, wife, daughter, colleague, or someone else close to you, abortion has touched many lives.
Whether through your own experience or that of a friend, mother, sister, wife, daughter, colleague, or someone else close to you, abortion has touched many lives. Approximately 100,000 abortions are reported in Canada each year.[1]
Each of us comes to this conversation with experiences that have shaped us. For some, abortion is associated with relief. For others, it is accompanied by sadness, regret, or grief. Many have never spoken about their experience at all.
Because every story is different, we should be careful not to assume we know how abortion has affected another person. Listening with humility creates space for people to share their story, if they choose.
2. What Do You Believe About Abortion and Human Life?
Conversations about abortion often become discussions about rights, justice, and legal protection. Beneath those conversations, however, lie deeper questions.
When does human life begin? What responsibilities do we have toward both a pregnant woman and her developing child? How should society protect the vulnerable while caring compassionately for those facing difficult circumstances?
People arrive at different conclusions because they begin with different assumptions and beliefs. I believe that every human life has inherent value from its very beginning. Others approach these questions from a different ethical framework.
Most people are not trying to do what they believe is wrong. They are often seeking what they sincerely believe is right, even when we disagree with their conclusions. Remembering this can change the way we approach the conversation.
Recognizing that does not require us to compromise our convictions. It simply reminds us that respectful dialogue begins by understanding why another person believes what they do.
3. What Has Shaped the Way You See This Issue?
Every one of us views the world through a particular lens. Whether shaped by faith, family, education, culture, or personal experience, our worldview influences how we interpret difficult questions.
My own Christian faith shapes how I understand the value of every human life. It also reminds me that every person bears God’s image and deserves to be treated with dignity and compassion.
Living in a diverse society means we will not all arrive at the same conclusions. But it does invite us to ask an important question:
Can we welcome people with kindness, even when we disagree with them?
Respect does not require agreement. It requires recognizing the humanity of the person in front of us.
Building Bridges Instead of Winning Arguments
These questions are worth considering before entering a difficult conversation. When we fail to recognize our own experiences, convictions, and assumptions, it is easy to become defensive rather than curious.
I’ve found that one simple question can change the tone of a conversation:
Is my goal to win an argument, or to build a bridge?
Choosing relationship over argument does not mean avoiding truth or compromising deeply held convictions. It means speaking with humility, listening with respect, and remembering that every person we encounter has a story we may not yet understand.
Rather than locking horns, love makes room for others. It allows us to listen, seek understanding, and remain in relationship even when we disagree.
As followers of Christ, we are called to speak the truth in love. My hope is that both our convictions and the way we express them will reflect the character of the One we follow.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)
[1] Canadian Institute for Health Information. Induced Abortions in Canada. 2024.
Related Reflections:
Leading With Compassion in a Divided World
Why conviction and compassion belong together when discussing difficult issues.
Unexpected Pregnancy Questions: 9 Questions That Can Bring Clarity
Thoughtful questions can uncover the pressures and circumstances surrounding an unexpected pregnancy and create space for someone to feel heard.
Beyond the Exam Room
Medicine taught me that caring well for people often means looking beyond the immediate medical need. I reflect on the experiences that reshaped my understanding of compassion and human dignity.
